I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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