I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
