he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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