I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
