How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
