I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
