No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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