I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
