My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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