thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
