I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm at about main and main street
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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