I smell stomach acid.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
