I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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