I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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