normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
