WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE