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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!

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• (818): View more from California

  Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  You guys make me sad

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You misspelled jealous there

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club

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• (305): View more from Florida

  It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...

  (1-937): View more from Ohio

  I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT

  (912): View more from Georgia

  WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO

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• (925): View more from California

  Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.

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