you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
