Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
