so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
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Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
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Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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