I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
