This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I believe in your delicious
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
