my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
