He uses pillows to masturbate.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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