I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
