I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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