Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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