I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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