1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
