roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
