Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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