Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
