Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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