I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
