What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
