her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
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8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
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Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?