Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(319): View more from Iowa

In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.

Fav 36 7336 1053
share tweet
(928): View more from Arizona

I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.

Fav 36 11287 1249
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(503): View more from Oregon

I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.

Fav 9 5094 1212
share tweet
(951): View more from California

I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved

Fav 7 1299 2678
share tweet
21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF
Read it at the TFLN blog
(781): View more from Massachusetts

In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time

Fav 8 2640 1140
share tweet
(714): View more from California

My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin

Fav 10 2156 1043
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(603): View more from New Hampshire

she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off

Fav 7 5450 1217
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(913): View more from Kansas

He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.

Fav 0 704 440
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(646): View more from New York

The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.

Fav 2 223 307
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT