I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
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Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
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Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not