Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
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Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.