her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
