Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
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