the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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