did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
