I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
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I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
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Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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