DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
