Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
