i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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