Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
