I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
