i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
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Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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