...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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