I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
