just survived the first fart of the relationship.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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