ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
