The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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