Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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