my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
