Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
