He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I had to cum in my sink.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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