there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
