did you get engaged???
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
