Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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