worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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