Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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