just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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