Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
