ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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