You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
