I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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