The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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