Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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