Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm like, not good at living.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
FUCK WHALES
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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