This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize