i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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