he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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