maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
