His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
