The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
